First, this is not what Nic Cage was promoting in Austin, but we need to discuss some news that apparently passed me right by when it was announced: He is set to star in a John Madden biopic… as John Madden?!?!?!?!? I would almost believe him for a biopic about Benji and Joel Madden before John Madden. Just, wow. I do not know about that. But I’m not sure who WOULD be John Madden. Can anyone be John Madden? I assume Nic nailed his audition and everything will be fine, but I would have pictured… John C. Reilly, I think?

Second: Nic is promoting a movie called The Surfer, which kind of sounds like Beef but by the ocean. Also, his character name is The Surfer. His kid’s character name is The Kid. I guess when you’re writing Beef By The Ocean, you can’t waste your creative energies on nomenclature.

[Photos: Marcus Ingram, Nicola Gell, Tibrina Hobson, Astrida Valigorsky, Daniel Boczarski/Getty Images, Rick Kern/WireImage]