Meet the Fuggers


About Heather

Favorite Sport: Skeet shooting; glass-hurling; marriage

Likes: Revenge; satin; Capri and Acapulco; men who wear flannel; champagne and caviar; mink; turbans; mink turbans; oil; torturing those of a lower social station; yelling; hissing; blackmail.

Dislikes: Cotton; people who don’t have penises; being falsely accused of murder; Moldavians; blackmail.

Favorite Food: Olives; caviar; sex

Sworn Enemies: Mark Jennings (attempted blackmail and seduction, deceased); Sean Rowan (ex-husband, attempted murder, deceased); Joseph (the butler, attempted murder, deceased); Cassie “Caress” Morell (attempted financial/life ruin, not deceased… yet); Sable Colby (attempted financial/life ruin, also momentarily not deceased); Krystle Carrington (married Blake, failed to die of brain ailment); Blake Carrington, when not making attempts to reunite with him.

Memorable Quotes: “No one takes me to the cleaners AND to bed in the same night” and “I HATE YOU BLAAAAKKKKEEE.”

About Jessica


Favorite Sport: stomping off in a huff; disobeying ones parents; hair-flipping; losing ones virginity at the prom; making out.

Likes: fake accents (French, Brooklyn); bangs; rebellious surfers with Porsches; vests; ill-advised elopements; the dramatic arts; bodysuits.

Dislikes: Controlling parents; when your best friend and your boyfriend hook up while you’re stuck in France with a virgin and they try to pretend that it’s because they’re soulmates or something when it’s actually just that they’re cheaters; sanctimonious twin brothers; getting robbed at gunpoint; driving.

Favorite Foods: Mega-Burgers; the sweet taste of being misunderstood.

Sworn Enemies: Kelly Taylor (former best friend and boyfriend-stealer, eventually chose self); Jim Walsh (father, freaked out about boyfriend, generally controlling and uptight, moved to Hong Kong); Cindy Walsh (ibid); That Woman Who Rear-Ended Me And Faked An Injury To Get The Insurance Money (rear-ended, faked injury, eventually revealed as fraud); Guy Who Robbed The Peach Pit And Stuck A Gun In My Face (robbed Peach Pit, stuck a gun in my face, currently incarcerated); Brandon Walsh (twin brother, know-it-all pain in the ass who tried to marry Enemy Number One Kelly Taylor, moved to Washington DC).

Memorable Quotes: “I hate you both! Never talk to me again!”